Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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