i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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