I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
