When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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