all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
