That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
