we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You are the jesus of drinking
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
