The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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