He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
