Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
