there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
