Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
