Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
