im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize