Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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