Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
