She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize