You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
