alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize