I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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