Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
