guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
