Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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