my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
