I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dick very happy bro
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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