there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
