she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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