it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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