i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
