Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
