May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
