If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
