it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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