im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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