There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize