I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
