there was a trapeze. enough said
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
