I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
