well I can't set my house on fire every night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize