Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
