so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
