Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
