Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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