weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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