I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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