when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
should my penis look like a turkey
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize