dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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