its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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