I'm drive I can fine osifer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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