How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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