Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
