i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
