I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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