How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
