Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
