I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize