its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize