So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
