My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
