he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize