I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
