I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize