So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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