it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
