i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's the barista slut.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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