So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
