I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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