Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
