yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
