dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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