he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
