farters have to be the big spoon...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
