I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
