ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
