Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize