Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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