honey bunches of taint.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
