She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
