Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Such a big mess for such a small penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
