Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize