i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
