Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
