Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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