theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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