Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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