ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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