Pappa wants mamma naked
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at about main and main street
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
