please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
BRING THE BAGELS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
