my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
