He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
