Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
