When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize