I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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