3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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