I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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