Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
