I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
