Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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