Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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