almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
