do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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