I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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