Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
