i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
