I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
